Is it just me, or is it true that the older you get the less tolerance you have for BS? One of the lovely things about being thirtysomething is that I can see a difference in myself and my expectations.
For instance, I am finding more and more that the filter I used to have for my mouth doesn’t work quite as well (after all, some people just really need to know how I feel). And the criteria that I use to judge relationships, both professional and personal, has changed. At this point in life, my main request in relationships is this… PLEASE, No Nonsense.
Before 30, all a person needed was a good heart and I would ignore a lot of other things. But as a thirtysomething my requirements have changed. For instance, if it’s a professional relationship I need it to be reciprocal – I give and you give – whether that be advice, constructive criticism, assistance or just understanding, it has to be give and take.
Don’t expect me to cover for you, help with your projects and be readily available for your “emergencies”, and you never return the favor. I’m sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
And if it’s a personal relationship then I definitely need stuff. At the top of the list is a positive attitude. But I also need reliability, a genuine concern in my well-being, and I absolutely cannot deal with a “victim” mentality.
Besides, how can we be friends if I can’t trust you to be available and supportive? Sometimes I just need it to be about me. If you always look at yourself as the victim how can you step away from your issues long enough to help with mine?
I also realize that having some things in common are extremely important. For instance, I’m a spiritual person, so I find it difficult to give or take advice from someone that doesn’t understand spirituality. And I’m an optimist, so a person that is always pessimistic does not fit well into my cipher either.
So I say all that to say this. With living comes wisdom, about life and about me. I know what I need and I don’t feel obligated to compromise on these necessities. Life is truly lovely at thirtysomething.
Towanda Long, aka The Cafe Lady