Diversity Training- Is it Necessary to Understand?

On paper it sounds good: Get a diverse group together for an open discussion on race, religion, politics or sexual orientation. However, if you’ve experienced one of these open discussions you’ll know that reality doesn’t really care about the paper.

 

Why? Because it is inevitable. Someone will say “I don’t understand why (you fill in the blank)” and it’s downhill from there (i.e. I don’t understand why black people got upset about Tilghman’s lynch Tiger remark).

 

This normally leads to the offended group trying to explain why an act or language is offensive, hoping others will eventually understand or “get it”. This in turn becomes frustrating, time-consuming, and usually ends with everyone feeling misunderstood. As you can see this is not very productive. In fact, it’s a no win situation.

Here’s the thing. You don’t have to “understand”. It’s like other things in life. If you’re not a mother you’ll find it difficult to “understand” the unconditional love a mother has for her children. If you haven’t been fired you won’t “understand” what it feels like to be suddenly unemployed.

 In the same way, if you’re not African-American you may not “understand” the pain associated with a hanging noose. If you’re not Native American you may not “understand” why the label Indian is offensive. Thankfully it’s not necessary to “understand.”

It IS necessary that we respect each other and our differences. It is necessary that we refrain from using derogatory language and actions.  And it is extremely important that we educate ourselves on ethnic and racial groups, so that we are sensitive to each other, seeing our differences as an asset, not a liability.  

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady

TMI

As I reflect on this week TMI, or Too Much Information, is the best description I have. It’s not because I don’t like having information (as a writer I thrive on “knowing things”), it’s just that so much of the information I’ve been exposed to this week was frivolous and/or speculative.

 For starters, how important is Britney showing up at school to pick up her kids? Or that her license case was postponed? Yet there’s footage, humorous headlines (i.e. Britney scares kids!), and several news stories stemming from yet another disturbed event in the pop singer’s life.

And how many ways can you analyze the Democratic debate in Myrtle Beach, SC? We’ve seen the footage and it’s pretty obvious. Hillary and Barack STRONGLY disagree. We don’t need an expert to point that out. We also don’t need an expert to decipher what they really meant. I saw the coverage and I think they were pretty clear in saying what they meant.

But what really made me think about this is the Heath Ledger coverage. If I were his family I would be EXTREMELY upset with the way mainstream media is covering his death. The autopsy was INCONCLUSIVE!!! Can you please wait until there is a confirmed cause of death? All of the speculation is absurd, especially since a clear answer should be available in days. The argument that journalists should focus more on gathering the facts, not publishing a sensationalized story at all costs, could definitely use this as a case in point. 

So, as I go into next week I’m keeping my eyes open for TMI – whether it’s experts overanalyzing political candidates, the latest update on Britney or journalists making assumptions without all of the facts. And when I see it I’m tuning it out. I need room in my mind for proven information, or at least stories that will make me feel good…

Towanda Long aka The Cafe Lady

Joys of Living

One great joy of blogging is finding other bloggers that inspire me. Today I’m sharing this joy with you. Here’s a blog posting that eloquently explains my life mantra, “Never Mediocrity, Only Excellence.”

Enjoy and let me know what you think. 

http://www.successful-blog.com/1/do-you-talk-yourself-out-of-living/

Happy Thursday!

Towanda Long aka The Cafe Lady

Pet Peeves of Pregnancy

Here’s a post I wrote a few years ago. However, I’m reposting because it is still VERY truthful. Enjoy!

I loved being pregnant, and I couldn’t wait to meet my mini-me. However, I do have a few pointers for people that gravitate towards bellies, both with their hands and unsolicited advice. First of all,PLEASE BEWARE! And this is a biggie…

DO NOT touch my belly. It is uncomfortable when strangers touch me. At no other time is this seen as acceptable. And since pregnant women are very cautious with their bodies, why would you venture towards my unborn child?

2. I DO NOT need to hear daily comments about my size. I look in the mirror everyday. I see that I’m growing. I see that my regular clothes don’t fit and constant reminders from you do not make it better.

3. I understand that seeing a pregnant woman reminds you of when you were pregnant. BUT, I am in the grocery store. I’m exhausted and I just want to get this shopping over with. I really DO NOT want to hear your 9-month synopsis of pregnancy and I definitely don’t want to hear about your excruciating labor. Is it your practice to find vulnerable women in vulnerable situations and torture them? Don’t you remember what pregnancy felt like?

4. DO NOT make me feel bad if my symptoms are different from yours. Not every woman gets sick, not everyone swells. But, trust me, we all have our battles to bear during this time (see 1, 2, and 3).

And finally,

5. PLEASE, DO NOT take it personal if I do not follow your advice. First of all, I didn’t ask for it. It’s unsolicited. Do you like when telemarketers call you? Well, your advice is kind of like that. Do you understand how much advice I get on any given day? I can barely keep it straight. After all, I’m pregnant, I’m exhausted, and I just want to sleep. I appreciate that you mean well. But, you have to understand my point of view as well.

Yes, it does feel good to get this off my chest. Moms-to-be, feel free to forward this.

 Towanda Long

Diversity: Part I

Some things are better taught through experience; the importance of diversity is one of these things. 

The Glamour magazine fiasco a few months ago is a prime example of this. In case you missed it, here’s the short story. During a presentation to a law firm in New York City, a Glamour magazine employee cited natural black hair as a Glamour “don’t”.

She felt the styles were political statements (for more on this story check out: http://www.diversityinc.com/public/2615.cfm).

The comments outraged many, was the subject of blogs and articles, and eventually the employee resigned. 

Instead of outrage I felt the comments further proved how many people just don’t “get it” when it comes to cultures outside of their own. I find it hard to believe that this employee would have made those statements had she been exposed to a variety of African-American women.  

I wear my hair natural and it has nothing to do with politics. As a matter of fact, it has very little to do with me identifying with my black heritage (for the record I am EXTREMELY proud of my heritage, but I feel that I always identify with my heritage, no matter my choice of hairstyle, attire, etc.).

My choice to go natural had everything to do with my fashion preferences. I like variety and going natural offers me a large variety of options I would not have otherwise. And I know plenty of other African-American women that went natural for similar reasons.  

Looking at it further, the comments made me think about how other ethnic groups are misunderstood and stereotyped. I won’t spend a lot of time on it in this posting (after all this is only part one), but there are plenty of professionals that still don’t understand the cultural differences between Chinese and Korean (yes, there’s a difference!) or Mexican and Puerto Rican.  

So, if these differences aren’t understood, how can people understand that even within ethnic groups there are differences? I believe that the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds, to interact with them at work, at school and in our neighborhoods is the only solution.

Otherwise we are relying on mainstream media and distorted perceptions to educate us, and it’s obvious this doesn’t work. These are my thoughts, but I’d love to know what you think.  

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady

The Superbug aka MRSA aka Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus

There’s nothing like waking up late, rushing to get ready for work, and then hearing your favorite news anchor talk about a superbug that may kill more people this year than AIDS. Yes, that’s how I started my day.  

And while the story has evolved throughout the day, most of the mainstream media has been focusing on the statistics of this story. Well, maybe it’s me, but I think a HUGE part of this story lies in the prevention advice.  

Increase hygiene among hospital workers. Workers should wash their hands and properly clean medical equipment! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! You mean to tell me this is not the norm in a building FULL of sick people, germs and infections.  

And as a patient, how exactly are we supposed to make sure this happens? Yes, we can ask our doctors and the hospital staff to wash their hands when they enter our room, but how do we ensure our equipment is clean? That the hallways aren’t festering with things we can’t see? While I’m not totally obsessive, I am starting to understand those people that avoid hospitals like the plague; according to the reports I heard today it is a plague. 

The other two pieces of advice are a little easier to stomach. For instance, we can all work to keep skin abrasions and cuts clean. If you’re in the hospital I suggest you be extremely anal about this point. 

Also, reports say this strain of MRSA is so strong because it has become immune to Penicillin and other antibiotics. Again, this does give us power, as we can all make an effort to curb our antibiotic use. We can question our physicians when they give us prescriptions and we can get second opinions if we are uncomfortable.

FYI, studies have shown that antibiotics are great for bacterial infections, but have no real impact on viruses. This means many sinusitus prescriptions are unnecessary, and antibiotics are not likely to help a cold either.  

If you want more information on the superbug here’s a link to a story on yahoo:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071017/ap_on_he_me/staph_infections  

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady

Chuck E. Cheese: A Parent’s Nightmare

It’s official. Parenthood is about sacrifice, and I don’t mean the sleepless nights kind of sacrifice.

I mean, REALLY, how else can you explain Chuck E. Cheese.

A few weeks ago we were invited to a birthday party, and though I’d heard horror stories I figured it couldn’t be that bad. Oh my, was I wrong.  While this place may be ecstatically fun for children, for parents it’s right up there with getting a root canal sans anesthesia.

For starters, it’s LOUD. You’re greeted in the lobby by the sounds of a ticket munching machine. The play area, a mix of an arcade and video games, is full of screaming children vying for their turn on the various games.

And as if this is not bad enough, some of the kids are unattended, so imagine 4 and 5 year olds trying to figure out who’s next on the horse (yep, it’s a disaster!).  

Secondly, I was surprised at how many parents do not realize they can’t leave small children (and by small I mean 3-6 year olds!!!) by themselves. The kids were FIGHTING – punching, pulling, biting – in the tubal slide/ball pit. This made the shoving at the carousel horse look like nothing. 

Third, Chuck E. now has live back-up dancers/singers. On paper this was probably a good idea. However, in reality, not so much. The back-up staff looked like Chuck E. had roughed them up in the dressing room before they came on stage.

They were sullen, moved mechanically, and were not at all into the show. I felt bad for Chuck E. because he had to carry the whole act (unless he really did shove them around in the dressing room…). 

And my last pet peeve was the parents. Let me just say this, it is TOTALLY inappropriate for anyone to wear his/her “night on the town” outfit to Chuck E. Cheese. Children are here and the stripper-like tops and spandex bottoms are really out of place. A t-shirt and jeans will work just fine, really.  

Whew, it does feel good to sound off every once in a while. 

Towanda Long aka The Cafe Lady

Advice from a Thirtysomething: Part 1

Whether you’re turning thirty or “been there done that”, it’s safe to say that entering the world of a thirtysomething is a time for reflection. We think about where we are in life, where we thought we would be and society expectations.  

Here’s some advice for those embarking on their 30^th birthday, those newly inducted, and those that have been in “thirtyhood” for a while. 

Don’t beat yourself up. VERY, and I do mean very, few people have accomplished their list of things to do before reaching 30.  

First of all, life happens. Being laid off, choosing the wrong companies, and personal relationships that don’t work are natural learning experiences. Secondly, at the age of 18, do you REALLY know what you want to be when you grow up? Ummm, probably not. 

Life experiences are priceless. Being book smart is great. But trust me, life experiences are the best lessons you will ever receive. So, instead of looking at what you did not accomplish, look at what you’ve learned – about yourself and about life.

Look not only at your experiences, but those of your friends. These lessons, if you let them, will help you live a fulfilling life into your thirties and beyond. 

Enjoy every stage of your life. I know this one sounds like the politically correct answer, but it’s true. Whether it’s the freedom of being single or the awesome feeling you get from seeing your baby for the first time, there is beauty in each phase of our life.

Don’t work so hard towards a future goal that you miss the beauty in living right now.   

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady

Facebook Public Search Listings

Here’s the short version of what’s upsetting some Facebook subscribers. Public search listings are now available on its Welcome page.

Individuals can search for Facebook subscribers without having to sign in or register to the site. In a few weeks these public search listings will be found on other search engines (i.e. Google). 

Personally, I don’t see the big deal. First of all, each person can set his/her privacy settings to opt out of this search. In addition to this, Facebook has added a buffer of a few weeks before other search engines can find the information, giving its subscribers time to choose. 

Secondly, are people REALLY posting confidential information? Do people truly believe that information posted on the WORLD WIDE WEB is private? If so, that is a totally different matter that I won’t even talk about in this posting. 

And lastly, the posting only includes names and profile pictures. Really people, more information is available in a Google search.  

I’m curious for your thoughts. Tell me what you think. 

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady

What Makes Your Morning a “Good Morning”?

Yes, we greet each other with “good morning”, but is it really good? And if not, do others really want to hear about it? Ummm, not really.  

However, it is something we should think about. After all, our mornings normally set the tone for the rest of the day. 

For instance, I like a relaxed start, while I have a friend that thrives on the energy from starting her day with a bang. I prefer waking up naturally (I hate being jarred from a deep sleep by the OBNOXIOUS buzzing of an alarm clock). To her, this is a waste of good sleep time. I could go on but you get the point. 

Here are a few things to consider when figuring out what makes your “good morning”: 

Does it include something happy?

Whether it’s exercising, meditating, making a good breakfast, stopping by your favorite coffee shop, or whatever, make sure there is something that makes you smile. 

Are you burned out after a few hours?

If so, you are doing too much. Find a way to distribute your tasks throughout the day. Using the night before as preparation time is a godsend for many people. And don’t feel like you have to do everything; remember to delegate and prioritize. 

Do you feel productive?

This is the opposite of being burned out. If you feel like you are not accomplishing your morning to-do list, re-examine your schedule. Then add measurable tasks one at a time (i.e. checked email, cleaned one room, played with kids, etc.). It is also good to do something that improves “you-the person”. I enjoy reading, but it can be exercising, writing notes to old friends, etc.  

Make your mornings something you look forward to each day.  

Towanda Long aka The Café Lady